Exclusion Bullying

My daughter is suffering from bullying at school at the moment. It’s not the overt bullying that you often see but the more subtle type by use of deliberate exclusion.

This post isn’t about my daughter as we have spoken to the school and they are all over it.

My post really is about the fact that bullying can take many forms and it’s not always direct or aggressive but it still has the same negative emotional effect.

The statistics in the UK show that if someone is bullied as a child or teenager they are twice as likely to use mental health services as an adult. It’s crucial therefore that all of us as parents or otherwise are alive to this and jump in if we see it.

I like to think that there is much more awareness of bullying now and the damage it can do, especially to children, but there is still a very long way to go to deal with this problem.

Say no to bullying.

Blessed Be.

38 thoughts on “Exclusion Bullying

  1. I am so sorry to hear this, Stuart. I am glad the school is taking effective action because exclusion bullying is, in many ways, the most painful. We went through this with our teenage daughter and it was painful for us to see her suffering so much. We kept on having meetings with the school but nothing changed and so in the end we withdrew her and enrolled her in a very good online school about a year ago. Also, it all affected her so much that she was on the list for NHS counselling but after a year of waiting we found a wonderful private counsellor for young adults who helped her to find her way through the hurt. But it was all very difficult for her and you are so right to underline the terrible damage caused by school bullying. A great post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you and I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. I’m glad though that things seem to have improved. 😊

      I agree on exclusion bullying. Also it’s not obvious so often goes unnoticed. It’s so important that children in particular feel comfortable to raise this with an appropriate adult.

      Many thanks for your thoughtful and honest comment. This is a topic that I think needs ongoing discussion.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I can relate to that. I was not bullied physically since I was crazy enough to get into fights (and do pretty good ) with the biggest of all, so the form of my bulling being a Spaniard in the U.S did take the form of exclusion and also a subltle or not so subtle of including you in order to make fun of you talking about you as if you where not there. I got around it latter on my high school years as I grew older, but at the beginning was rough. I came from a rough Spanish school, so the fighting was normal and the BS, but then I found myself in a reverse situation where “those Americans” were doing it to me. Not fun but I learned a great lesson. They thought me not to stand for me necessarily, since I was and still able to do it but to stand for the others who are being bullied. Even my own mother I remember as a teenager when I saw some kids screwing with another one I would literally step up and if a fight ensued the better for me, my mother said I had a “savior complex” or something to that effect, that I thought I was always the guy with the white hat fighting against humanity. But I still carry that mentality today, not to the extreme as when I was a kid but still.
    You have a daughter so girls….. I believe they are worst than guys. Hope she can cope with it fine with time.
    You also said that it´s more likely to go mental health services, I believe is true. I went into the army so that didn’t help much the situation later on in life.

    Anyways, I don’t know how old is your daughter but I´m sure if she is taught to have a strong character she´ll live a lovely life, she definitely has a father there for her, I didn’t I was in a boarding school so it was a 24 hour a day situation. She has you, teach her to hit one the biggest of the girls and the rest will fall in line….maybe that is too much, point being to be strong.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you so much. And I hope your daughter’s school continues to be supportive and effective in preventing bullying. It is great that you have opened up this topic for discussion. All kinds of bullying are wrong, whether at school, online or in the adult world.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In so sorry your daughter is being victimised at school it happened to me and its made me into the strong woman I am today. I hope your daughter has the strength to keep being herself and speak to someone authoritive xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Very important post! I’ve been here. Both in my own school years and, now, with my own kids, especially my two autistic ones. Sometimes, people don’t know how to handle differences, therefore, don’t really try. Blessedly, we have amazing staff at our schools and we have seen a lot of breakthroughs in the last several years. Teachers that have worked with us to helpful them find their niche in the performing arts have been especially wonderful. Glad your daughter’s school is on top of this situation. I pray that continues to be the case.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are so right, Stuart. What happens to a child at school can be deeply damaging. I experienced the equivalent of “being sent to Coventry” 60 years ago now and I still sometimes get that same sick feeling. The worst part was that my parents didn’t even want to know about it. So yes, listen to your children!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, I think sometimes this type of bullying isn’t seen or people think it’s just kids being kids but it’s much more than that and can be highly damaging.

      Thanks again for your comment.

      Like

  7. So sad and true! My 14-year old grandson has been bullied and is suffering the consequences! The solution?

    My approach would be if someone hit me, I would have hopefully kicked him in the B@!!&! Not the best approach for sure! But it seems that the authorities, teachers, and such are failing big time!

    But what do I know! I’m Sicilian! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I was bullied at school for allegedly being posh. So I empathize with kids who are bullied.

    One of the things I love about the Pagan community is that we are not all the same and people seem to genuinely value our diversity (mostly).

    Liked by 2 people

  9. In the book I’m working on now, the main character experiences bullying. As in real life, there are no quick fixes (not like a 30-minute tv sitcom), but I do hope my words will provide encouragement and support.

    I know many have said children who are bullies are often bullied themselves (particularly at home), but I think there is also an element of false belief that resources are limited. There can only be so many popular people, so many successful people, and the only way to get your share of the good things in life is to prevent someone else from getting them.

    Anyway, my prayers are for you and your daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi, bullying, sadly, occurs in all walks of life today including children to adults. In whatever form or place it occurs; whether, at home: in school or in work; it is the cruel curse of our time. Once a bully always a bully; individuals who always operate, if allowed, in the shadows of silence and the turning of a ‘blind eye’. It should be confronted head on and exposed for what it is. The consequential effects upon the suffering victims can never be underestimated.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I’m sorry this is happening to your daughter. Unfortunately there are mean people that try to make themselves feel better by doing this kind of thing – kids and adults. There is something like this going on at my work with adults. A ‘click’ that reminds me of school days. I do not know the solution other than to avoid them as much as possible, know that people like this have issues and have a strong belief in yourself. It can be so hard as a kid going through this. I’ve been there.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Bullying is so damaging. My daughter had a young step daughter who is bullied at school. My daughter is a warrior woman and has been to the school to let them know and has guided the girl on how to stand up for herself. It seems to be working!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sadly kids seem to be divided into two groups – the bullied and the bullies. One of my children had to be pulled from the bullies crowd and the other was one of the bullied. If it helps any, my child who was bullied has become a compassionate and giving adult. My daughter still needs to be reminded the crowd isn’t always right but she tries. I hope your daughter has the strength to recognize the fault is with the bullies.

    Liked by 1 person

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